choice and change

Each day that I write I feel I leave a dozens of thoughts unwritten like threads unwoven. There are so many layers and connection to each of the topics I've touched on so far and hopefully as I continue I will be able to circle back and go deeper.

Today, amidst all the protesting that is happening, it feels like maybe mine is not the voice that needs to be heard. It feels hard to write. 

It seems like an important moment to step back and listen, observe and learn. If there were a conflict or disruption in my classroom, this is what I would do too. I may need to respond or react in the moment but I can also reflect and learn from my reactions. Some of the most valuable lessons and most positive solutions have come when I can listen, observe and get curious about what's really happening and why. When I stop assigning blame or thinking that I have all the answers. 

So often as parents and teachers we can get caught in thinking we know what is best or even caught in the thought that we "should" know what is best. We don't have to have all the answers. We're here to learn too. A "misbehavior" is simply a mode of communication. It's a child's attempt to get our attention and point to a need or a missing skill. When I reframe a "misbehavior" as a call for help then the real work can begin. What does this child need? How can I respond appropriately? These are opportunities for me to learn and strengthen my skills too.

We cannot change or control the behavior of others but we can learn to control and change our own behavior and how we react to conflict. I wonder what might happen if we really applied that in our current situation? Instead of judging the behavior of others, if we really took a look at our own actions and reactions. What if we got curious and looked at this as an opportunity to listen and learn?

Becoming conscious of hurtful patterns and the willingness to change those patterns is the greatest gift we can give children. Becoming conscious allows us to access our own wisdom and remain calm in the face of antagonism and disorder. It is the foundation of choice and change.

from Conscious Discipline website

 

It's also the greatest gift we can give each other.